First, let me say that I HATE auditions. HATE them. The nerves, the competitive electricity buzzing among contenders outside the audition room, the weird and slightly psychotic behavior said nerves and electricity bring out in me…the whole thing. Blech.
Also, I have to state that I don’t like telling ANYONE when I am going to an audition, or after the fact, what it was for. Not even, and maybe even especially, family members. Its sort of like telling people you’re trying to get pregnant. You know that, even if they are kind enough not to actually ask, every 28 days they are watching you for signs. Same with auditions. After a couple of days, as you yourself jump out of your skin every time the phone rings, your supportive loved ones are waiting with baited breath, only to get the phone call letting them down. Ok, the last part is extreme, but always how I feel when I don’t book a job. Like I’ve let them down. Yup. My own crap. Working on it.
But, as I talk to my mother every 48 seconds and give her the play by play of my day, how hard was it to fly 3000 miles for an audition held in her state and NOT tell her?! Killed me. But, this one was last minute so I decided to just try to zip in and zip out, undetected.
As far as the audition itself, I tried and failed at something new. I find that I can’t help but make some personal and jovial connection with my competition….whether they want it or not. I don’t know why I do this. To lighten the mood? Support in a desperate attempt to be supported? I don’t know. But, there were only 6 of us, and as hard as I tried to keep aloof and to myself, its just not the way I operate. I’m quite certain that they didn’t really need to hear about how I hadn’t fed my 10 month old in 6 hours and almost leaked milk through my dress in the middle of my song, but they really did seem intrigued, or maybe just fascinated by my oddity. Not sure, but none the less, there was a joyful and positive energy in the room as we all joined together to dance after our individual calls. And who doesn’t do their best with that kind of ambiance? All 6 of us strangers left one another with hugs and genuine words of encouragement. So, perhaps I was the off beat, slightly strange girl last week, but we all had fun, job or no job. And, I got more than a couple of toes wet for my re-entry into this life from which I’ve taken leave. And instead of being greeted by the casting director with a “What have you been doing for the past 5 years?”, I got a “So great to see you! It’s like you never left!” Ill add it to my book as a successful trip, worth all of the money and chaos that ensued.
I didn’t make it 24 hours without telling my Mom where I was. Couldn’t do it. Next time, maybe.