After reading my last post, a fellow acting mommy sent me this piece that she wrote about a year and a half ago. She has two little girls at home, and a successful Broadway career under her belt. It is too brilliant not to share. I asked for her permission and she kindly obliged. Here is my friend Stacie’s tale of the insanity!
How to nail that job interview/audition
(aka, How to stage your big comeback)
- Pick your face the night before.
- Wake up to shower and steal the time slot from your husband. This time he can go to work without the shower. I do that everyday!
- Feed the kids. Get spit up on. Change a whole bunch of diapers.
- Lay youngest child down for a nap.
- Move car in the morning and deal with insane NYC drivers and a street cleaner that has come later than usual. Try to make sense of car-a-palooza
- Vocalize and stretch in car
- Pack drink and snacks and send eldest child off to park with grandparent. Realize you forgot the “pack” part of packing the snacks
- Go to bathroom. Discover there is no toilet paper.
- Decorate the face. Discover you are out of both facial moisturizer and foundation.
- Cut open the moisturizer and dig. Try to stick finger deep into foundation and come up empty. Use a q-tip. Accidentally shove precious remaining smear of foundation up your nose when q-tip slips.
- Deal with the part of your face that you picked last night
- Discover that all of your clothes are in the room where your baby is taking her nap. Your bedroom. You don’t dare go in. Find some jeans laying on the floor. Make that look fancy by adding swagger to your walk.
- Realize that you washed those jeans over the weekend and now they barely get over your “I still have to lose 10 lbs” ass.
- Search desperately for a shirt. Only find nursing tops. Settle for one that doesn’t have stains on the nipples. Smile at the fact that a little lace from your nursing bra is peeking through and makes you look a smidge fancy.
- Look in the mirror and notice that your hair resembles a picture you once saw in mythology class of Medusa. Settle for that look.
- Take a mental note that you must get a haircut.
- Take frozen breast milk out of the freezer. Note that you could have done a much better job organizing the dated milk.
- When your husband comes home, say thank you for the beautiful flowers he is holding. Listen to him tell you they are actually for your mother.
- Try to explain to your husband, who has come home from work to help, what to do. Realize that you are just praying your boobs can make it home in time…it would just be so much easier.
- As you explain this to your husband, he remarks that your breath is not fresh. Start laughing hysterically because you just brushed your teeth a few minutes ago. Squeeze your legs tight so as to not pee in your pants while you are laughing.
- Thankfully double-check where you are going, because you would have been completely at the wrong address.