It’s been just over two months since our cross-country expedition and our nose dive of faith into an abyss of the unknown. So far, that proverbial net has yet to scoop us up and carry us to solid ground. Thankfully, there have been little plateaus and ledges to help slow down the fall, but we’re still in the dark as to how this will all play out.
I’m finding it difficult to strike a healthy balance between relishing in the “Now”, which is chock full of lackadaisical weeks of everlasting Family Sundays, and pounding the pavement to find work before it’s too late. I don’t want to focus so obsessively on our lack of income that I miss out on the gift that comes with living in this whimsical family bubble with no deadlines and chaos. Nor do I want to ignorantly float away in it until it smacks with a pop into the floor of our savings, splattering us all like soap onto the street!
After the insanity that ensued from day one of our travels, lasting well into month two of our move, I’m trying to permit myself to take a well deserved reprieve and a slow deep breath. But, in this economy such allowances and luxuries feel like a gamble. Just how long do we have? Can we really trust that something will come along? Faith is a huge topic in our household right now. The problem I have with trusting that all will magically work out, is the fact that MANY good people, with much stronger faith than ours, are out of work and still waiting for that perfect (or just fine for now, and is almost enough to put food on the table) job.
I’ve often been criticized for my “catastrophic thinking” and have been encouraged to draw forth positive events with a positive outlook. I do believe in this to a certain extent, but I also believe in having a plan in place should things not work out in the desired timing. Does this really make me a negative person? Because, if I may say so, I think it makes me a smart one. Except that these smarts have yet to come up with this back up plan.
So, I will continue to have faith in things I cannot see, because what choice do I have? But, I will also use my God-given intellect to continue to prepare for an empty bank account. It would seem awfully silly to wake up one morning to our very last 20 dollar bill and think “What happened?! I had no idea that no income would mean the dwindling of our savings?! Where on earth could it have gone?!”
So, if I promise to do it with the most cheerful and positive spin, may I adjust the meter a tad? A little less rolling around on the floor with the kids, as delicious as they are, and just a touch more action? Yes, we have savings. Thank God we have savings. But wouldn’t it be nice to keep it that way?