I have a major bone to pick with the Northeastern Weather Gods. I must submit this complaint formally to all of you at Motherfog Manor in the hopes that these Gods take notice!
With our decision to move from Southern California during the dead of winter, came thorough and painstaking preparation for fingers, red, cracked and numb, squinty eyes peeled to icy sludgy pavement while each step is counted as one victorious yard closer to heated walls, outdoor human connection extinct as modes of survival prevent lifted eyelids, mounds of heavy snow trapping cars in driveways, these mounds almost as large as those of winter apparel piling up in heaps across muddy doorways, 1500 dollar oil bills that sometimes heat rooms, vengeful sub-zero winds smacking chapped cheeks and sucking breath from lungs, Voldemort style, leaving gasps of shock that such climates have not yet been evacuated.
We were ready! We trained as one trains for a Mount Everest mission! With courageous statures and pursed lips, we trudged our way into the storm like those of the Oregon Trail, armed with perseverance, oxen and mittens, excitedly anticipating the challenge that would test the thickness of our skins!
Yet, here we are. Mid-March. Forced to hike through nature paths, grill burgers on the deck, spend endless hours at lush, blooming parks, and stroll through quaint villages greeted by friendly neighbors eating sandwiches on patios, while basking in 72 degree sunshine. Not one snowflake to lick off our noses. Ok. Maybe there have been one or two, but those storms are for the novice climate facers, the faint of heart, the cowards of the South!
So, I tell you this, Weather Gods of the Northeast….if we wanted such sickenly glorious temperatures, we would have stayed in Los Angeles!
I must leave you now to curl up in a small room, curtains drawn to snuff out the disgusting golden rays and dream of darker days.
Blogger’s Note # 1 – for those of you who have followed my blog from the beginning and are diligently cross referencing entries, you have just caught me in a bold faced lie. We owned nary a furry coat or long sleeved shirt between the four of us before the day we began our travels, when my sister panicked and overnighted snow suits for the kids. God bless family. And God bless the Northeastern Weather Gods for that matter! Maybe I should withdraw my complaint. Perhaps these Gods are more on our side than ever before!
But, will I regret a simple request for just one piddly snow man construction day??
Blogger’s Note #2- The oxen. Lie number 2. We did not in fact travel with oxen, although it’s possible they would have gotten us here in more of a timely fashion than our Sienna, and caused much less hassle. But hindsight is 20/20.
I now have a hankering to download the Oregon Trail game, buy me some cattle and a covered wagon and embark on a cyberspace cross country adventure! Fingers crossed that I can keep dysentery at bay.