I Demand a Refund!!!!

I have a major bone to pick with the Northeastern Weather Gods. I must submit this complaint formally to all of you at Motherfog Manor in the hopes that these Gods take notice!

With our decision to move from Southern California during the dead of winter, came thorough and painstaking preparation for fingers, red, cracked and numb, squinty eyes peeled to icy sludgy pavement while each step is counted as one victorious yard closer to heated walls, outdoor human connection extinct as modes of survival prevent lifted eyelids, mounds of heavy snow trapping cars in driveways, these mounds almost as large as those of winter apparel piling up in heaps across muddy doorways, 1500 dollar oil bills that sometimes heat rooms,  vengeful sub-zero winds smacking chapped cheeks and sucking breath from lungs, Voldemort style, leaving gasps of shock that such climates have not yet been evacuated.

We were ready! We trained as one trains for a Mount Everest mission!  With courageous statures and pursed lips, we trudged our way into the storm like those of the Oregon Trail, armed with perseverance, oxen and mittens, excitedly anticipating  the challenge that would test the thickness of our skins!

Yet, here we are. Mid-March.  Forced to hike through nature paths, grill burgers on the deck, spend endless hours at lush, blooming parks, and stroll through quaint villages greeted by friendly neighbors eating sandwiches on patios, while basking in 72 degree sunshine. Not one snowflake to lick off our noses. Ok. Maybe there have been one or two, but those storms are for the novice climate facers, the faint of heart, the cowards of the South!

So, I tell you this, Weather Gods of the Northeast….if we wanted such sickenly glorious temperatures, we would have stayed in Los Angeles!

I must leave you now to curl up in a small room, curtains drawn to snuff out the disgusting golden rays and dream of darker days.

Blogger’s Note # 1 – for those of you who have followed my blog from the beginning and are diligently cross referencing entries, you have just caught me in a bold faced lie. We owned nary a furry coat or long sleeved shirt between the four of us before the day we began our travels, when my sister panicked and overnighted snow suits for the kids. God bless family. And God bless the Northeastern Weather Gods for that matter!  Maybe I should withdraw my complaint. Perhaps these Gods are more on our side than ever before!

But, will I regret a simple request for just one piddly snow man construction day??

Blogger’s Note #2- The oxen. Lie number 2.  We did not in fact travel with oxen, although it’s possible they would have gotten us here in more of a timely fashion than our Sienna, and caused much less hassle.  But hindsight is 20/20.

I now have a hankering to download the Oregon Trail game, buy me some cattle and a covered wagon and embark on a cyberspace cross country adventure!  Fingers crossed that I can keep dysentery at bay.


12 responses to “I Demand a Refund!!!!

  1. Oh, don’t worry, dear-this is just an anomoly. When October rolls around you will likely be returned to your regularly scheduled program. But, I love this post, nonetheless!

  2. I love Oregon Trail. I must now go seek it out. Ah, nostalgia.

  3. I am not so sure that this beautiful weather is to stick around…though I pray it does…..I hate winter, hate snow, hate the yucky slush and dirty roads and lawns it leaves in its wake….( though I am sad for my kids that a snow day/snowman building adventure is probably out for winter this year)…ohwell there is next year and I do know with certainty that winter will rear its ugly head again sometime in the next year!!!! Enjoy the sunshine, I know my kids are! GREAT Blog, I love to follow

  4. I lost it at “oxen”. Bahhahhahaaaaaaa

  5. Emily,

    When did mittens get added into The Oregon Trail? I remember oxen and wagon tongues and axles, but never mittens. Or were those added in the modern version where there were like a million things to buy and the game became overwhelming. I felt tired before even getting in the wagon to take off because of all the options they had at the General Store. Not just bullets anymore, you got to pick what caliber, different guns, barrels of lard….I wanted the simplicity of bullets, wagon wheels and hunting buffalo to eat. The game got inundated with choices and it overwhelmed me. I laughed when I go to the word dysentery. Was going to work that into my coment somehow but since you had mentioned it I felt it more suitable to tell you to be careful what you wish for weather-wise….Cholera can be awful. LOL! Wow I actually brought my comment full circle and had it pertain to the original point of your post. Loving the blog. 🙂

    • ha! Thanks Josh! Yes! I agree….I think I tried to revisit my youth with an attempt at this game some years ago (before kids, of course) and got overwhelmed and annoyed too. sometimes less is more. 🙂

  6. I think my version was played on Windows 3.1, so not at all overwhelming (so long as you don’t mind waiting for things to move.)

    (Who do you know who still has that computer up and active in the corner of a guest room?)

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