Termite Meditation


8:30 a.m.  Fresh scent of morning dew wafts through screened windows, tickling my nose and inviting inspiration.  A new spring day with endless possibilities tapping at the door.  Kids fed, dressed and playing happily in the sun-room, Daddy sipping coffee nearby as rays of crisp, clean light cascade over all three contented lovelies.

 A thought flashes before me.  Yoga!  Might I escape for a brief, but sacred moving meditation to stretch away the cobwebs that have nestled within my neglected joints?
I arrive at class with seconds to spare and settle onto my mat, my temple of solitude. I am equally inspired by an enlightened guru of a teacher who chose deep Ujjayi (oo-Juh-eye-ee) breathing as the day’s main focus, and depart with even more refreshed enthusiasm for this day than before, all the way home hydrating my cells with deep, glorious, soul-filling breath.
As I walk my joyful and invigorated self across the threshold of my home, I am greeted by the vision of my husband and children crawling around on their hands and knees chasing after an army of scattering bugs.  Lovely sight, armies of bugs.  Even more lovely as they dance, crawl and flutter around on top of, under, and in every nook and cranny of each of the 486 toys that line the playroom walls and floor.
It seems our rental home is infested with termites. I take a deep breath in, still basking in the glow of my yogic trance, calmly make the necessary phone calls to have the problem taken care of, put the kids down for their naps and move the entire contents of the playroom outside for a thorough and deep cleaning.
We sit on the deck atop creepy crawly wool rugs, amidst a sea of contaminated toys.  The afternoon sun hugs us as a pitying consolation for the madness that is our lives, and the breeze of this May-ish March whispers through the blossoms as a reminder that all things shall pass.
In our quick ipad termite research, we learn that these rapidly breeding insects lose their wings once they find a place in which to colonize. Picking tiny translucent flyers off of our babies’ past times, we are aware that they have found their cozy nesting ground in which to rest their bellies, bloated with wood and quiet their busy little antennas.
I like to think of these wings as one may think of petals on a daisy. Refreshing signs of the cycle of life on a summer afternoon, all organisms playing their vital role in the ecosystem.
Ujjayi breath in…. One toy disinfected. Ujjayi breath out…. Exterminator announces his arrival. Ujjayi breath in…. Tiny black eggs sucked into a vacuum bag. Ujjayi breath out…. We have too many toys anyway. Ujjayi breath in…. We had felt like failures for not yet owning our home. Ujjayi breath out…. Thank the Lord Almighty we don’t own our home.  Ujjay breath in…. The kids are sleeping. Ujjayi breath out….the bedrooms are pest free. Ujjayi breath in….bad things happen in three’s. Ujjayi breath out…I think this counts as three.
3.) Crumbling foundation with millions of antennaed house guests.
But should this occurrence lack substantial enough poundage to qualify as an acceptable number three , may my writing not be misconstrued as seduction of a replacement number three.   I think we are done.
Blogger’s Note: Yes. The answer is yes. I have gone completely googley eyed, Gene Wilder in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”, stark-raving mad.

14 responses to “Termite Meditation

  1. Emily, I just experienced this exact same thing on Wednesday, minus the yoga. I may have dealt with it better if I had just come from yoga! I, too, was greeted with a massive swarm of termites, but my uninvited houseguests were in our newly renovated family room. I left to pick up Paige from preschool with nary a termite in sight only to return to a moving carpet on my floor and walls. When the termite guys came the first words out of their mouths were expletives. You know it’s bad when the termite professional is swearing! The thing is, we DO own our home! Ugh!!

  2. Oh Em…yes, I think you’re done. We’ve had termites in our home too…shouldn’t be long until you’re back to normal! I particularly liked this post (the writing, that is). Keep breathing! xoxo

  3. Em, your situation is horrible (the last of three), but your writing is exquisite. It is funny, and just pulls the reader in, wanting yet more. How about working on a book of essays…mother fog would be a great title.
    Keep on writing -just think – your experiences are fodder for more Em musings.
    Mrs. G

    • That is so sweet, Mrs. Grady. I would love that. I’ll keep writing and see what happens, but many want to be published writers. It’s kind of like trying to be on Broadway. :). I always love your comments. Thanks for reading!

  4. Oh, no. You know that we went through this at the rental house in Encino? It is disgusting, but the swarm doesn’t last too long. Just keep swimming and fingers crossed that the problem is manageable at this point. Um, the Encino house ended up getting tented, but I think that’s only because they decided to take care of it between us and the new tenants (the exterminator said that it wasn’t at a critical point yet). But, I’m sure that won’t happen in your situation because you’ve already met your quota of troubles.

    It feels trite to say, “Hang in there.” But, it’s all I’ve got!


  5. That is three. Your done. Good grief!

  6. Ugh! It definitely should count as three! I agree with Mrs. G, too. If you wrote a book – I would definitely buy it. You could write a “fictional” story of a character having these experiences. The majority of the story could be presented as a series of blog posts even – you’ve got some excellent ones to get started with! Or I could see Motherfog being developed into a sitcom.

    • Wouldn’t that be awesome! I think i have to do a touch more to get my blog out there. Just a touch. :). But, my recent events would have anyone laughing or sighing in relief that they are not me! But, as I said to Mrs. Grady, I so appreciate your support and love your comments. I will keep writing and see where it leads. Thanks again, Rita!

  7. How about a one woman show? I have a friend who is a comedienne and she and two other mothers had a show called “Three Blonde Mothers” I saw their show in Montreal at the Comedy Festival. Just a thought…

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