The Jig is Up

Before closing out of this link and joining the afformentioned “I Hate Emily Rozek club, please read to the end.

After the births of both of my children, I dropped my baby weight along with an additional ten pounds in about eight weeks. I had to buy a whole new wardrobe of smaller jeans, and I began ferociously binging on any scraps of food I could get my grabby little hands on…day and night.

I would get the shakes if I didn’t consume massive amount of sour dough bread, 15 inch loaves of French baguettes and mountainous heaps of pasta.  My husband asked a few times (before learning better),

“Really?  You’re going to eat the whole  four cheese pizza and the entire pint of Raspberry truffle Haagen Dazs ?”

He isn’t one to ever question my weight or show concern about my appearance. I think he just would have liked to enjoy a slice or two for himself, or a dollop if the rather pricey ice cream.

“Yup. I’m hungry”, I would answer, diving into a months worth of calories with a fervor.

It was true. I was hungry. All the time. But there was also a sense of giddy mischief like that of sitting at a broken slot machine as it spits out buckets of change before any casino personnel notices.

Why do I share this?  Because I want all mothers to unsubscribe and come egg my house?  No. Clearly there is more to the story.

Now, after nearly 3 and a half years of being pregnant and/or breastfeeding, with my youngest sort of weaning at 16 months, my time is up. The metabolism authorities have finally been notified of the over-indulgent habits to which I have grown accustom and are charging me…with interest.  I have gained ten pounds in one month and have no use whatsoever for a bra other than one suitable for a 13-year-old prepubescent girl.  I am slightly concerned about how much more I owe and how quickly I’ll have to pay it.

Although some may argue that I have been lucky, I must politely disagree.  Perhaps added pounds serve as a healthy reminder to keep us from getting into the unhealthy habit of eating ridiculous amounts of cheese, bread and ice cream. The invisible havoc wreaked on our bodies by junk food is much worse than what the eye can see.  I now have to retrain myself after three years of gluttony!

I believe that this is right around the time some women feel like they have their bodies back and can rip open that pre-pregnancy box of clothes.  I guess it’s the same for me.

Only, my pre-pregnancy clothes are three sizes larger than those bought postpartum.

The Jig is up.

Crap.

P. S.
All those of you who are wickedly snickering and saying “Good!”…..

I can hear you.

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19 responses to “The Jig is Up

  1. What? Snicker? Who? Never. :):):):):):):)

  2. This is wonderful. As a former I can’t gain weight to save my life, pass the pasta. I finally reached one hundred lbs lets celebrate. To pregnancy induced 75 lb weight gain and everything in between 4 kids later, being too skinny or too chubby both sides are difficult. Enjoy the bread and ice cream ocassionally. Enjoy dressing the new curves 10 lbs brings.

  3. Heather Vincent Larkin

    While a bit envious, I would never say, “Good!” Babies do strange things to our bodies and we are changed for the rest of our lives…some for the good, some not so much. It’s the trade off for having our beautiful children. So, as I continue to count the calories, as I strive to eat healthier and fit into the clothes I own I’ll say a cheers to you and your gorgeous self! 🙂

    xoxo

  4. Same thing happened to me, but sooner. I was at high school weight after my first, but it came back, plus dice, when he weaned. I haven’t lost a pound since the second, and each feed he drops I panic.

    At least you kept the clothes…

  5. Oh, how I can relate! I was on a pregnancy/birth/breast feeding/weaning cycle for almost 10 years of my life (yes, I do realize that is crazy). After each birth, I lost the weight quickly and paid no attention to calories or fat content when I ate. When I finally decided to jump off the fertility merry-go-round and stopped nursing my last baby – I had to come to grips with the reality of my body. No more fabulous breast feeding diet plans were in my future. While the numbers on the scale may not have changed much – the distribution of the pounds certainly has. And as for a bra? I am embarrassed to say that I think my 11-year-old almost wears a bigger size than me. Nobody mentioned that side-effect before I decided to nurse all those kids! Ugh! Maybe tomorrow morning I really will wake up early and use that “Reshape Your Body” exercise DVD I bought a year (or maybe two) ago. I’m just not sure I can get everything moved back the way I think it belongs. 🙂

    • And, you know?….that may be ok. You have 5 fabulous kids to show for it. And I think you look beautiful. I, myself and getting back to yoga because it helps me all around….shape-wise and mentally. Perhaps only mentally which makes me view the shape differently!

  6. Oh man, I would do anything to rip open that box of pre-pregnancy clothes (i eould have to drop the punds, not add them!) Embrace the change, you are gorgeous!

    • Thanks, Em. I am trying to embrace it. I felt that 112 was a bit on the too skinny side! I’m just a bit scared about how far this will go! if it’s going to be 10 pounds a month, I will have to buy a whole new wardrobe again…only one no where near as fun to purchase!

  7. no matter what you weigh you are BEAUTIFUL! I agree, babies do crazy things to our bodys…..I after 3 am lighter than right before I got pregnant with Carter, my first, but I can’t eat like I did when I was nursing, when the weight just fell off! I run a lot, well when I can and have grown to LOVE a healthier lifestyle with more exercise! I miss those big bowls of ice cream without guilt I have to say though! Enjoy the new body, you will find your balance, you always have!!!! 🙂

    • Ah, yes….balance. Something i struggle with everyday. Good for you for running and eating well! I’m sure that once I adapt to watching what I eat and exercising again, I’ll feel great…that is IF i can 🙂

  8. Damn, you make me laugh, Rozek.

  9. You crack me up. Is she really weaning herself already? Such a big girl!

  10. Hahahahahaha ahahahahahahahaha! xoxo

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