I know I have already written my iPhone rant. But, after six weeks of acclimating myself to my new smart phone I feel the topic deserves another visit.
After bemoaning on Facebook and on this blog about my touch screen typing inadequacies, I received a rather unanimous placation.
“Trust me. You’ll get used to it.”
After giving the matter what I consider ample time, I am going to suggest that it is not the iPhone typist that gets used to the keyboard (or lack thereof), but is the recipient that grows accustomed to the sender’s new language; a language where rules of grammar are suspended and eloquently combined words are passé.
I have learned to translate things like “I live you do much” into the intended “I love you so much.” In fact, I rarely notice the errors at all. My brain just accepts them as correct and automatically interprets their meaning. Much like the iPhone does when it decides for itself what its owner would like to say.
Before I owned an iPhone, I often cocked my head at such texts as:
“going to store.”
Such a sentence structure normally would mean one of two things
1.) a three-year old has gotten a hold of his mother’s phone, in which case we would be impressed by such advanced skills.
2. The writer is severely learning disabled.
Now, I often get texts and emails that are as equally fragmented from people who are doctors, lawyers and even from those with degrees in English.
“Hey there! I’m at the store picking up a few things. Do you need me to bring you anything while I’m here? I cannot wait to see you!”
would most like be received with:
“Hey! Why are you blowing up my phone with these bulky complete sentences? Economize characters please!”
I was told recently by a blogging friend of mine whom I respect greatly for her writing talents, that nothing good can be written on a phone. To which I responded
All of my entries have been written on my phone. I have two toddlers. My writing time is limited to the train and the bathroom . (You’re welcome for that visual.) Bringing my laptop to either of these places is just not a desirable option. And, the last time I attempted to open this laptop with children awake, one of them hit some brilliant combination of keys that turned the screen 180 degrees and lost me an hour and a half of precious time to a phone call to India to learn how to restore it to its original position.
Throughout my five or six years as a blackberry user, I became so comfortable with its keys, that I opted to craft my Grad School admissions essays on it. (Yes. I was accepted to each one of the schools to which I applied.)
So, in an effort to salvage my writing juices, I thought about throwing in the towel on my new toy, hoping blackberry would accept me back with open arms. Lo and behold, my beloved has followed the herd and nixed the keyboard. What the hell?
I agree that these new apps are very cool. I’m actually quite thankful for the frequent “Google Maps” assistance in finding the locations of my appointments. But, I hear if I allow the new update, that app will go to the birds, taking its seat next to prepositions and pronouns.
So I give up. I am in the minority. There is nothing left to do but load up my phone with fun and mindless apps in order to drown out my longing for creative stimuli through the beauty of language.
To all those who have written me emails and texts and feel blown off by my lack of response, I urge you to take it as a compliment. It means that I have been moved or sparked by your message so much so, that responding with a third grade writing level simply won’t suffice.
As soon as I make it to the basement where my laptop sits (which may be awhile as it seems to be crawling with crickets at the moment and I have chosen to simply close the door rather than acknowledge the issue), I will respond thoughtfully. Most likely we will have spoken at least three times before then.
Should you be searching for me, I’ll be on the train or in the bathroom…playing Angry Birds.
All grammatical and spelling errors in this post are blamed on the iphone.
(that, and I don’t have an English degree and many rules I simply do not know)