Brain DustBuster

I’ve always thought that I was born with some sort of defect. A missing part, like an Ikea box, if you will.

Miscommunications are a part of life. They happen. And, the particular types of which I write are rectified quickly. A mumbled word is heard as something outrageous and halts the conversation like a road flare. Often, these are humorous. We chuckle and continue on, back on track.

But, what happens when the understood word or phrase is horrific and offensive? These too can be quickly rectified (although sans chuckles.)This is where my missing part comes into play.

It is my theory that most of us are born with an automatic Brain DustBuster that sweeps these embarrassing moments away, allowing its person to move along with little additional thought on the blip.

I, on the other hand, get trapped in a loop. The loop during which I was understood to be ridiculous, or perhaps ignorant and/or heartless. Even after many explanations righting the course, and can’t seem to let go of those seconds or minutes, no matter how brief.

An example:

We were powerless for nine days, gloriously restored for one and a half, and then yanked from our cozy relief once the snow storm hit. A snow storm that paled in comparison to any I have witnessed in my 35 years as a North Easterner (minus the five we pretended to belong in Southern California’s valley).

So, as I sit here and write this with numb and chilly fingers on my iPhone, I am still unsure as to why we have no power. Last week, as live wires lay draped and flaming across our yard, it was quite obvious. We did not sit and wait for the lights to magically appear. We knew that as long as our yard contained zero electrical crew members, we would enjoy zero electrical amenities.

But this outage is baffling and beyond irritating, so i made a call to New Jersey’s power company to raise hell politely inquire.

During my call, the rep gave very little helpful information, and just said that they were trying to restore power to everyone by 11:59pm on the 9th of November. (tonight-still waiting)

“I just don’t understand! Why did the power go out at all? The storm wasn’t that bad?”

Oddly, she responded calmly,

“The storm was that bad, Ma’am. People lost their homes. Some lost their lives.”

And there it is.

Of course I spent the next five minutes making sure she knew I was not referring to Hurricane Sandy, but the silly snow storm that followed it. But I can’t shake it. For three seconds, this woman thought there was a jackass on the planet who would downplay a catastrophe that left thousands homeless, killed many, and ripped babies from their mother’s arms. And, during those three seconds, she thought that jackass was me.

Still cringing.

Please send Brain DustBuster.

Maybe an extra one came in your box?

Blogger’s Note:
The Verizon cable line has been destroyed on our block. We are told it cannot be put back up for weeks. For that fact, all typos are to be overlooked as I have no cable or internet and am using the WordPress app on my phone to write and post.

Better yet….

I’ll leave you the username and password. Would you be so kind as to log-in and edit at your leisure? While you’re at it, write a couple of entries, would you?

Username-fix our power
Password- cold


14 responses to “Brain DustBuster

  1. I know you were moritfied, but reading this still made me laugh out loud. Ummm….the phrase “Pick your battles” comes into my head, because that was one of a few “jack-assy” moments I’ve had, where I meant something but the words I chose did a very poor job of conveying what my brain was thinking! I am horrified that you guys still don’t have power. We love having you guys around, so know you are welcome anytime!!!

  2. Beautifully Human. You don’t hear so many of these stories because people are so busy being embarrassed or using their dust buster that really isn’t a dust buster that they can EXPRESS….and you have found your voice. This will let others find there’s and then we can all laugh at ourselves together. More wine…..

  3. Given your circumstances, I think you are allowed to commit far worse brain dustbuster offenses. I would be a wreck at this point. Hang in there! Again – so impressed by your ability to blog by phone. Kudos. I didn’t even see any typos.

  4. I forgive myself the hurtful gaffes.

    But moments where I looked stupid? Burned. In. My. Brain.
    One from eighth grade. One from 1993. Albatross, meet dustbuster. Dustbuster, handle these.

    As soon as you said that you meant Sandy not the blizzard, she forgot. Don’t worry. If it makes you feel better, the delay in restoring.g power is your fault. It’s not, of course. But go ahead and see it as penance so you can dustbust this misunderstanding.

  5. If you figure out how to fix this, please send directions. I am no good at forgetting those things either. Interestingly, though, I have such blurry memories of seemingly every other moment in my life. Why is it that I can’t have vivid memories of all the wonderful moments and blurry memories of all the times I wish I could forget…but can’t?

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