Horse For Dinner

Because dinner time is a delicate balancing act, I never quite know how it’s going to go. Too much snacking and proper food is not desired…not enough and we’re past the point of no return.  Yes, I’ve talked about this before, but trust me, dinner time with toddlers deserves 2 posts…or 10. My husband has shifted his work schedule back one hour to facilitate a family dinner, putting the meal at 6ish. Sounds feasible, right?  However, it is my experience that 5 to 5:30 is the usual window of choice for those that are 3 feet and under, and the drastic mood shift that happens between 5:30 and 5:50 is quite astounding.  Come over. See for yourself…or just come over….and help…. please.
Tonight, in order to keep my son from ripping off his shirt and turning into a large green monster, I pulled out what I like to call the “Song and Tap Dance”. It’s always different, this performance, and usually quite entertaining. I was artfully able to hold off the melt down by having him join me in singing:
“I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse!!!
 A horse, a horse, a horse!!!!
Neigh, Neigh Neigh!”
There may or may not have been a triple time step, a tour jete, and a kick line involved.
See, fellow parents?  All you need is a little exuberant creativity, and an evening is saved!! I am so thankful to the Boston Conservatory for my very costly degree in Musical Theatre, to be able to come up with such brilliance. I understand that not everyone has been blessed with such useful training, but please don’t fret. I’m here to help.
6 minutes later…..
Dinner is served. The pounded chicken breast, breaded in pureed broccoli and seasoned panko, (painstaking prepared during sacred nap time) is lovingly placed in front of my two year old.
45 seconds later….
Kicking and screaming ensues, a tray containing gourmet food lands on the floor, tears flow, and an almost intelligible plea is bellowed.
 “Horse! I want horse! I eat a horse!!!”
Didn’t see that coming.
Due to our lack of edible neighing creatures, my son refused to eat, and went to bed without dinner.
Awesome.
***”I Could Eat A Horse” sheet music and choreography, available upon request.
Send prepaid envelopes to:
Emily Smith’s Genius Guide to Parenting
Southern, CA. USA
It will find me.
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4 responses to “Horse For Dinner

  1. So sorry that I'm laughing. They are heartbreakingly dear, aren't they. We try so hard, they're from another planet, our efforts cause pain, and if we didn't love them so much we'd run screaming for saner roommates.

    That's just the sweetest, saddest story. Poor little monkey.

  2. Emily @ Motherfog

    Poor little monkey indeed! And today, I was very close to “running for saner roommates.” He's in the middle of what my mother likes to call “disequilibrium”. I'm not exactly sure what that is or if it's an actual developmental term, but I think it's something about their mental growth spurts causing physical and emotional outbursts. Whatever it is…it's making me crazy.

  3. Dear Em,
    I so enjoy your writing…I laughed out loud when reading the story about the Ambien incident, and got emotional about how your family made your homecoming to NJ so heartwarming. You are a very fortunate person to have such a close and loving relationship with ” the family”. By the way, how did Fred Signs get so lucky to have you in third grade? I can still hear him yelling down the hall EMILY when you were still in the classroom and everyone was outside on the playground. You were developing your dramatic flair back then!
    Love,
    Mrs. G.

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